My First Novel Question: Multiple First Person Narrators
Carol Berg April 23rd, 2007
Lynn wrote:
I have one author who writes the first half of a one chapter story in the first person singular, and then in the second half, she changes to write in the first person singular of the opposite character. When I told her it was confusing, she lashed out at me about how she was a teacher and it was correct writing.
OK, I found myself writing a long answer to this question and decided not to bury it at the bottom of the My First Novel pile, because first person narration is dear to my heart. I love the feel of living an adventure so close to one of the participants - both reading and writing. Before Transformation was published, I never knew there were readers who held an antipathy to first person. Many of my all-time favorite books are first person, and, I suppose, what bad first person books I’d read would have been bad no matter what “person” they were written in! But since I’ve been reading more pre-published fiction, I understand way better. (And I’ve a few other pet peeves to go along with bad first person, but I’ll leave them for another time.)
So on to Lynn’s query…
There is certainly nothing technically wrong with multiple first-person narrators. It is no more “incorrect” than using multiple third-person points of view or present tense or omniscient POVs or whatever else. For those of us who love first person done well, multiple narrators can alleviate the biggest downside of writing first-person narrative, which is getting only one character’s view of the action. All of my nine books are in first person, and I have used multiple narrators in four of them.
Of course, as with any technique, you have to work at it. Here are a few things I concentrate on:
- first and foremost, I always make sure the reader is clear about whose head we’re in. I only switch at chapter breaks, and I always delineate the speaker in the chapter head. Some writers switch at scene breaks–or even more often, which gets dicey, in my mind–but I prefer using a chapter break, even if it means variable length chapters. On the other hand, I do try to minimize switching, giving a sequence of chapters in one voice, and then one or more in another. But, of course, the storytelling must ultimately decide this. I would like to think that my characters and their voices are distinctive enough that they are instantly identifiable - but every reader is different and I don’t want to pop them out of the story by leaving them confused.
- during revision time, I always work to minimize the use of “I”. This is true no matter whether I have a single or multiple narrator. Using POV characters who are naturally good observers can be a real bonus. They can reveal their thoughts and feelings, not only by speaking them directly in narrative, but by what they observe, how they phrase it, and how they react.
- I don’t wait too long to introduce the reader to alternate narrators. (I did this once, and heard about it!) A reader can get highly invested in a first-person narrator and can feel betrayed at a late switch.
- I never do simple repeats of scenes. If my two narrators give me alternate views of an incident, I always make sure to minimize the repeat of the action and unfold additional events in the second telling. This is a really fun way to deepen and enrich a story, giving lovely plot twists.
- I try to avoid characters indulging in excess navel gazing. Pages of nothing but self-examination are boring, no matter whether they’re written in first or third person.
I’m sure there are many other techniques other writers can add to these.
The upshot is, don’t tell your person she’s wrong. Try to figure out what it is that grates –the confusion, the uncertainty, repetition, drowning in thoughts, or whatever–and present her with your reactions. There are many ways to tell a good story.
Carol
I think these are great points, not that I’m surprised since Carol’s books have become some of my very favorites in part because she writes first person so very well.
Almost every established writer I’ve talked with about my current project, which is in first person, mentions that first is very hard to pull off effectively. I have to admit I find that a little odd, since as a writer I feel artificially distant when using third person narration, but it’s true that there are a good deal of things (most mentioned above) that have to be watched in 1st person that generally fall by the wayside in 3rd.
Along with my standard edits to remove passive verbs and whatnot, I search and highlight every instance of sentences beginning with “I”. It’s a very common, easy pitfall, but it turns your narrative into a badly written diary entry: “I went to the kitchen and got a snack. I sat outside. I waved to the people walking by on the sidewalk, and then I went back inside.” Choppy, boring, and wooden. “Pretzels in hand, I headed out to the front porch and my favorite patch of sun, where the bees buzzed around the flower beds and the neighborhood moms pushed their toddlers in strollers for their afternoon workouts.” The second evokes a much different scene - and to be honest, my first drafts almost always look much more like the first example. That’s the magic of editing.
I do have to say that I can probably count on one hand the number of authors I really feel write in first person well enough to draw me all the way in. Of course, that may be because I haven’t found the right books… I’m always willing to find another favorite.
It’s encouraging to hear you say this, since my agent’s currently shopping around a novel of mine that switches between a first and a (different) third.
Back when I originally wrote that book, I got quite far in before realizing there was a segment that had to happen from someone else’s pov, and by then no way was I re-writing the entire thing to that point from first to third. Since I figured switching between firsts would be more confusing than first and third, I went the latter route. (I also wasn’t at all sure I knew the second character well enough to write him from first person. I know him better now, but Julian’s still not a first-person kind of guy.)
Now, of course, I’m planning a sequel (once the first one sells), and Julian’s moved from being a minor pov character to a major one in this book, and I find myself having to continue on with the odd choices I made originally. My life would be simpler if I’d done the whole thing in third. But first and third it was, so first and third it will continue to be, and I just hope it doesn’t confuse anybody too much.
Great post, Carol!
I think that, for me, the most important thing in making alternating first person POVs work is very distinct character voices. If the author’s voice is too dominant, or if the character voices are too bland, it can get confusing really quickly.
The most common problem with less-than-stellar first person in my experience is too self aware characters. It really comes off as odd when the character is describing himself from the outside, so to speak, or even worse when he’s doing it with flowery descriptions. An overall too “literary” language sounds odd in first person, unless the MC’s a poet or some such (which is rarely the case).
Oh, and I agree with EAWhitt that having too many sentences starting with “I” does sound really bad. If every sentence is about the character, you have only reactions, but you don’t motivate them. You don’t show your character taking in impressions and reacting too them. (For anyone who’d like to read more about this, I strongly recommend “Techniques of the selling writer” by Swain, and more specifically the chapter on MR-units. Despite the title, this is a great book, and there’s a reason it’s been in print for decades.
It’s the only writing book I’d recommend, other than Browne and King’s “Self-editing for fiction writers”.)
Selene
*CROGGLE* Someone thinks writing first person is difficult? I’ve always thought it one of the most dead simple persons to write in, assuming you have the right character for a narrator.
Multiple first persons? I know the technique, but haven’t had occasion to use it myself, simply because none of the stories or novels I’ve written have required it, but it seems to not be any trouble so long as the reader can be quite certain who is telling what portion of the narrative.
Hee hee, I assume that’s Song of the Beast, I admit I wasn’t a fan of the switch when it first happened (I loved Aiden and missed him when he was gone), but I appreciated it in the end since that character was a lot less likeable before we were allowed to see things from her perspective. I think it’s still my favorite of all your books, though. Certainly it’s one I give people when I’m trying to convert them to fantasy (and I try to convert everyone!). I’m a big sucker for bards and dragons, and the combination of the two is irresistible.
[...] on neatly from that is Carol Berg’s response to a reader enquiry about shifting POVs at the DeepGenre blog: “There is certainly nothing technically wrong with multiple [...]
[...] - Multiple First Person Narrators “There is certainly nothing technically wrong with multiple first-person narrators. It is no [...]
The most common problem with less-than-stellar first person in my experience is too self aware characters. This is a tricky thing to defeat even in third. However, in first it can be a fun device if you can make it obvious they have misconceptions about themselves.
Gee I write most of my short stories in first person and most of my novels in third. Wonder what THAT means??
Yup, writing in first person can be difficult. You need a character who would tell his story — willingly or not.
OTOH, in the form of the epistolary novel, the multi-person first person POV is one of the oldest ways to write a novel
Betsy:
This is a tricky thing to defeat even in third.
True, but it sticks out like a sour thumb in first.
However, in first it can be a fun device if you can make it obvous they have misconceptions about themselves.
Well, you could of course have a very self-aware character, and that might be fun to play with. I’d say all first person POVs (or all intimate POVs) should be biased to the character, and it would be more odd if the character is objectively right all the time than if he isn’t. What I tend to see a lot of is more unintentional (and therein lies the problem most likely). So we get prose along the lines of:
I flicked my long hair over one shoulder, feeling the sweat trickle down my neck and along the delicate arch of my back.
Granted, this wouldn’t sound great even in third person, but at least you have the leeway to pull back a bit or “zoom out” the POV, which really doesn’t work well in first. If I kept reading sentences like that, I would assume the character is very concerned about her own looks, as she notes to herself that her hair is long, that her back is arched delicately etc. More often than not, that isn’t the impression the author wants to give.
Selene
Well, of course, a first person narrator must be self-aware, but not self-absorbed. As with any POV character, the writer must think carefully about what the narrator observes about him or herself. The latter is what can drive readers crazy. The key is to have the narrator’s thoughts evolve naturally from the action of the story and his or her reactions from the emotions roused by that action. I think it’s important that the personality who filters everything we see must be somewhat likeable or interesting - a person the reader is going to enjoy being around for the length of the story. Someone who feels the need to constantly describe her own physical appearance–especially in such admiring terms as “delicately arched” is going to get tiresome whether in life or in literature.
Carol
I have written both first and third person novels, and books where I have alternated between several first person accounts, and between first and third.
First person is much more difficult to plot and to execute well. That doesn’t mean that it can’t be done brilliantly - and there are many writers who do just that.
It therefore has totally astounded me how many people have told me that they won’t read first person novels, that they won’t even try. Before I was published, I must admit that it never occurred to me that there were folk out there who were so adamant on this issue, given how many wonderful first person books there are - in all genres, and from classics to modern literature. First person narratives are so varied, I felt it was a bit like saying “I won’t read books with red covers.” Or, “I won’t read books set in England.”
glenda larke wrote:
As I said, that surprised the heck out of me, too.
Carol
I was going to say that 1st person narrative is not my favorite…but then again, when I look through my collection of books I’m amazed at how many of my favorites are written in 1st person. I can’t write that way myself, but I guess I enjoy it more than I realized.
As for multiple 1st person narratives within a single novel, the 1st time I encountered this was Andre Norton’s “The Crystal Gryphon”. The story is told in 1st person, rotating between Kerovan and Joisan. (This is also the 1st time I’ve seen having chapters named after the viewpoint character, something George R.R. Martin makes excellent use of in his Song of Ice and Fire series).
I actually enjoyed Norton’s use of the multiple 1st person narrative. And what I found especially interesting was when the two characters finally met and how portions of one major scene were told from each perspective.
Yes, I think this technique can add a marvelous richness to a story. Of course it can be done from multiple third-person POVs as well, but I think it is particularly effective from multiple firsts.
Carol
Hi,
I am doing a short story and while I have no wish to give away my highly marketable plot (lol) I have a question with regard POV.
In the story my main protagonist is able to see through others eyes and hear their thoughts. It will ease into multiple narrators, but one in third and one in first. This means that although it’s a different POV, its a constant connection. I want it to be sort of in the background until some thing specific happens.
Is it ok to do this change of POV such:
(this is just an example!)
Bill lifted the coffee pot and poured himself a healthy cup.
..did he look? I thought he did. Maybe if I pretend to be interested in this lampshade…yes, he looked again..No, it’s too much, I’ll have to go or I’ll start blushing and..
Bill shook his head in annoyance.
Why couldn’t she just ask him out? God, she was becoming annoying.
He sat down and ate his sandwich.
Does that read right or is there a better way of doing it? Using italics makes it obvious but it should probably be obvious without them.
Any help would be great.
Adam
One of the absolute best examples of a brilliant first person is The Contortionist’s Handbook by Clive Clevenger. I don’t know that I’ve ever seen it done better.
I am in the process of writing a novel I have started and stopped working on over the last 20 years or so. I finally find I have the time and decided to begin re-writing it and plan to use the foreign to me technique of first person.
I took a paragraph and in third it’s not as descriptive as in first, so that pleased me. In third person it was a mere description of what occurred, but in first I was able to add more from the character.
I have always used third person, so this is not only new and different, I have noticed it more in the books I have previously read now I have been made aware of it.
molly
I just completed my own space odyssey adventure bouncing from multiple first persons.
My first experience as a writer was with first-person, when I was very young. I made a transition to third person as my writing style developed. As such, I began writing this story in third-person, and after several months, found my writing going nowhere. Then I stepped back into first person, which was quite an easy transition, and used multiple-first-person view to add depth to the story.
Most every chapter is written by a different character with a new voice. Some are very straight-laced. Some are comical. And it was very enjoyable to see how each interacted, to see into their minds. Especially as each was so uniquely different. And they’ve all become very real in my mind.
I definitely stress that it is very critical to develop different voices for your characters, and keep them straight. If one character speaks like a pirate, he shouldn’t speak well-pronounced English in the next chapter in which he is featured, something I’ve found myself doing on more than one occasion. It’s easy to lose yourself; compare passages by the character to be his writing is consistent.
I used the premise that these characters were actually telling each other the story with instant messaging devices, which seemed to fit well with this type of story.
I found this style to be more challenging, toward the end of the novel, as one of my major characters needed to write a scene, being the only one able to see what he saw, but would wind up dead (supposedly) by the end of the scene. A bit of ingenuity, and I pulled it out of my hat. I think it turned out well. I’m hoping Tor agrees.
My project has only just begun. I plan to write many more volumes. And it is very exciting to see others who are using this style as well.