Critique #24 — Rachel Dunne 2
Kevin Andrew Murphy July 6th, 2006
It wasn’t supposed to happen. Really, it was completely an accident. I mean, it’s not really that big a deal.
Is it?
Okay, so I brought a caveman forward in time.
No big deal.
Right?
Right?
Wrong.
You’re probably thinking, “How did a stupid fifteen-year-old kid bring a Neanderthal a million–or more–years into the future?”
With a time machine, of course.
“And how did a D-average student make a working time machine?”
That’s where the accident comes in.
Love it.
I have nothing more to say–the quick words, the voice, are so teenager, the setup fascinating. I’d read on.
Good job, Rachel! Like Sherwood, I have no nits to pick on this one.
Dude. Love it. My only possibly quibble is the repeat of “Right?” but I know kids who would use it, so it probably can stay, as long as you keep that voice up.
—L.
Thank you all! I really had fun with this piece…
But I have a question. Just from those thirteen lines, would you (”you” being anyone) classify this as a Sci-Fi story? As in the sort of story that might be accepted by a Sci-Fi magazine?
*sigh* That last post is from me–I’m using my friend CaitrÃn’s computer and, in my eagerness to post, forgot to change her name to mine. Sorry if it caused any confusion.