Quote:
Shit. Not yet. He couldn’t bleed all over the place, not when these brats could wake up any second and see him. Mom and Ashley would have
to wait a bit longer. Soon, he would get his ass out of this rotting world and walk with them on the white shores of H’alamel,…
EndQuote

Agreement with others - a drop of blood isn’t “bleeding all over the place”.

“brats” are not identified,
Then “Mom and Ashley “come crashing in behind.
Did anyone have a momentary link between the two? With a further reading, it appears they are not the same. I tag it as a possible tripping point. Who the brats are remains unclear.

Back to the blood:
Why would an old wound leak one drop of blood and how did he feel the very small fluid escape? Is he recovering from some conflict or physical challenge? It feels contrived to create the effect of “setting the hook”. I need more info to understand what you are trying to present. (sniff the bait, swim away)

Credit for building a “mood” but I’m not hooked yet. I would read a little further probably, but I’m not committed.

If he’s inside the warehouse, why is he sitting on a sidewalk?

Candleight in a huge empty warehouse is bound to be weak if he only has one or two candles. Try making this more dramatic rather than hanging your lighting effect on one adjective.

sometimes stared at crushed spiders

The “sometimes” makes this very awkward — do you mean he looks at them now and then? Is there a reason the spiders are crushed? Were they coming for him, for instance?

A single drop of blood doesn’t seem like a lot to worry over. People can bleed more than that after scratching a bug bite. Does he have a reason why he shouldn’t bleed at all? Is he afraid the wound will open or will leaving blood behind him make it hard to work the world-shifting magic?

However, Gideon associates prayer with primness and propriety and consider those traits to be female. I should probably find a more direct way to say that, though.

No need to do it in the first 13 lines, I hasten to add. Or even in a particularly direct way. It can come out through what he says and how he behaves.

The question was more in the way of making sure you had a specific reason for phrasing it that way, and since you do, I think you’re good to go.

If you’re going to make a statement like “prayer made him feel like a girl’ then I hope I will eventually come to understand why he would phrase it that way.

And a second plea to be sparing, or linguistically thorough, in the use of apostrophes in naming conventions.