Anyway, how are protests “vivid”? I always associtated that word with colors and visuals. Also, you’re missing some past perfect tense in there in places; it should be “he had stirred in some curry spices,” “they hadn’t helped,” etc. Be consistent!

With grammar out of the way… It’s a beginning that I would continue reading to find out more about, but I find it a little difficult to swallow the juxtaposition of his feeling “excellent” and “surprisingly good” after eating the demon and his still feeling human at the same time. He feels as if it’s working, but then again, he doesn’t. I dunno. You should either make the juxtaposition clearer as such, or make it a little less obvious, or give it a little more time to happen in. Something like that, at least.

It’s a nice hook, but you could do with giving us a bit more detail, I think. We really need to be relishing (so to speak) this idea of eating a demon. Don’t talk about “some curry spices” - name them. This is just crying out for that sort of vivid detail to make the story really come alive.

The first sentence doesn’t quite work for me. Arguably you tip the hand too much by saying “after eating the demon”, and “excellent” somehow felt an odd word choice for how he felt. Magnificant… powerful… transformed… there are a lot of possibilities, but “excellent” is more a quality I tend to associate with inanimate objects (it was an excellent stew) than actually feeling (can’t remember having ever thought “I feel excellent today”).

I would probably read on, for now…

Thank you very much for the input!

Also, do you mean “almost exactly” or “exactly”? If you mean “exactly,” then you can probably cut both words. If you mean “almost exactly” then perhaps there is a reason you want to leave it as is.

I would also keep reading.

The only thing I noticed was the repeated use of ‘the demon’ - you could put an ‘it’ or something in there to vary it a little. Other than that, nice opening - I’d turn the page :).

I’d drop the “spices” after “curry” but aside from that, this is a fun read and definitely something I’d turn the page on.