I’m often left feeling emotionally distant from works written by males. The characters may express (and note in others) anger, fear, and even sadness, but it seems all too often they put emotions aside and just get on with the “job.”

I contrast that with what seems to me to be a female approach of the characters being aware of the emotional lives of the other characters. For example, as the POV character makes decisions in a scene, they are aware of character B becoming upset and know that there is an argument in the offing, because B has said they can’t stand for this to happen again, even though B has not said a word in the scene. There is an outward interaction going on and a more hidden emotional interaction that is pervasive in the work. I see this approach to storytelling most often in female authors’ stories.

Thus for me, one key difference between male and female authors’ sex scenes may well be the emotional distance or connection I’ve already established with the characters, as well as the emotional depth of the scene as written.

Having said that, I really dislike generalizations, so there are, of course, exceptions to be expected.

So true! 

Love, C.

Oh dear. He must have been doing it wrong.

“Dialogue on the page is a wholly artificial thing…people do NOT talk like that. What you do is imitate or suggest the way these people MIGHT converse in a very idealized way.”

He explained that transcriptions of conversations are extremely chaotic, often remarkably dull, and horribly non-grammatical. You hear this and think “Of course” because you sort of realized this all along, and to a certain degree, everything that happens on the page is an idealized or distilled version of what might actually happen.

Given that, we come to sex, and realize that very much the same kind of redacting is going on. I think, though, a lot of writers–male, female, straight, bi, or gay–forget or don’t quite realize that sex is another form of dialogue. A conversation is going on there, an exchange…intercourse, in all its meanings.

Keeping that in mind, the aspects that get idealized and end up actually on the page, can either convey that essential nature of what’s going on, or tell how much of that essence is being missed.

If you accept that idea, the fact that many male writers DO understand perspectives other than their own, and so so with great sensitivity and creativity, is actually remarkable.

So true. Which might say something as well as to why Steve Barne’s romantic-sexual encounters are effective ….

Have never read Fancher, alas.

The bit makoiyi quoted is reminiscent of the wiccan circle experience created by Tara and Willow in Buffy, season 4’s “Who Are You?” ep.

Love, C.

If you accept that idea, the fact that many male writers DO understand perspectives other than their own, and so so with great sensitivity and creativity, is actually remarkable.

Mikhyel and Temorii from ‘Dance of the Rings’ J.S.Fancher is one example I can think of the ‘kind’ of sex scene I would rather read personally, that touches on feelings rather than bodily parts.

I quote from the Prelude of ‘Ring of Destiny’ Jane S. Fancher:

Fingertips extend. Iridescent motes ripple and flow, coalesce as skin touches skin, flare as fingers intwine.

I have to think that this serves as a Cautionary Tale for authors thinking of self-publishing, that it may deprive you of a necessary objectively critical eye.